Everyone has their own ideas of how to feng shui their living spaces, but I thought I’d have some fun today and show you how to feng shui your PIRATE SHIP.

I know not everyone is privileged to own a pirate ship, much less a swimming pool in these lazy hazy summer days coming up, but Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall does and not only that, he’s accepted my invitation to come on my blog and tell us how to “feng shui your pirate ship” just in case you just so happen to own one.

Before we begin, might I add that Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall is the co-author of GUIDE TO PIRATE PARENTING with the wonderfully talented and gifted humorist Tim Bete, who just so happens to be the director of the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop. Actually, Cap’n Billy is one of the characters, but don’t tell him that because he feels he’s as human as you and me. If you want to find out more about Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall, his nemesis in crime, Tim Bete or his wonderful and quite hilarious new book GUIDE TO PIRATE PARENGTING, you can visit his website at www.pirateparenting.com.

How to feng shui your pirate ship

by Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall, co-author of GUIDE TO PIRATE PARENTING

Ahoy, feng-shui-loving land-lubbers! Cap’n Billy the Butcher here with some great feng-shui tips to help you achieve perfect harmony so you can reach your goal to be the world’s most perfect plunderer!

Did you know that the words “feng shui” mean “wind-water”? And who knows more about wind and water than a pirate?! So listen up, me hearty, and apply these tips about the five elements to yer sailing ship.

Element 1: Wood

Wood be what yer ship is made out of. It may be old wood, so make sure to fill the cracks in the deck with tar every year or every six pillaging raids, whichever comes first.

Element 2: Water

Water be what your wooden ship is floating upon. Water plus a strong wind makes yer ship a plundering machine. Water is also good for pushing mutineers off a plank into.

Element 3: Fire

Fire is what the powder monkey’s use to light the fuse on the cannon. It’s also the order the captain – meaning me – gives when it’s time to light the fuse. For example, “Ready, aim, fire at them thar merchant vessels filled with gold and thar treasure will be ours!”

Element 4: Metal

Metal be what yer cannon balls and swords are of made out of. The strength of their metal is the key to your victory in battles. But don’t keep too much metal on your person. It’s hard to swim if you fall overboard and are weighted down.

Element 5: Earth

After you’ve used the first four elements to attack and “borrow” the chests from a merchant vessel, you can sail to port where solid earth can be found. Earth is the best place to spend the booty you’ve stolen. It’s also a good place to find rum. But don’t stay on earth too long. The sea be calling yer name.

So, as ye can see, your pirating career is nothing without feng-shui. Although a ferocious crew, ten cannons and a few barrels of gun powder help, too.

Happy sailing and don’t let the bilge rats bite.

Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall

Author of GUIDE TO PIRATE PARENTING

www.pirateparenting.com

ATTENTION: This book spotlight is being brought to you by Pump Up Your Book Promotion. As a special promotion for Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall’s book, STAND, Pump Up Your Book Promotion is giving away a FREE virtual book tour or $25 Amazon gift certificate to one lucky person who comments on our authors’ blog stops. Leave a comment below to have a chance to win one of these prizes! For more stops on Cap’n Billy’’s virtual book tour, visit www.virtualbooktours.wordpress.com.

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